Its been sometime since i spent long hours thinking about you
My longing for you has gone down, but the little left is still true
Its upto you to ensure that in this path to you, unwavering, i abide
For I took the plunge trusting that if there are thorns in my path, u will brush them aside
Remember that if I fall, you have to raise me up
If by the world, distracted i fail, me from me you must usurp
But for my longing and my love for you what have I
I am but a child jumping in the hope that someday the wind will take me to the sky
Foresake me not you treacherous mountain
If you attract and let go, your credibility will fall and thats certain
With lots of hope and lots of love I have called out your name
If you dont rush to my rescue forever you shall be in shame
--Badri--
Notes : All my poems so far have a rhyme scheme, if I remember right so far in more than 100 poems I have written only one doesn't have a rhyme scheme, This one below is another such exception. This poem below is the impact of listening to Beatles for 2.5hrs this morning. Any reference to any person living or dead might be intentional. :-)
The Pursuit!!!
They ask me what if
what if she doesnt feel the same way
What if things dont work out
Or worse if she realizes a few months from now
That you are not the one and its not meant to be
I tell them well then
Well then I would have learnt what it means to feel vulnerable
Well then I would have learnt what it is to have loved and lost
or better still what it means to put your question out there
and wait in anticipation for a favorable answer
But then I also tell them imagine
Imagine if things work out
Imagine she too feels the same way
How wonderful things would be
What beautiful prospects future will have
They shake their heads in disagreement
This is foolish my friend they say
This is not rationale and the chances (to Us) seem slim
Its better that you think with your head
Instead of continuing to think with your heart
Oh my dear friends I know not if this is what the world calls love
perhaps this is just a strong crush
but whatever it is , it feels good
I am no masochist but I imagine the pain that could be
and weirdly lot of pleasure in it I see
So let me move forth with this pursuit of happiness
For again and again does my heart keep whispering
Give it a try and see
If you dont try and keep fearing things that can go wrong
In life more regrets than achievements there will be
Cheers,
--Badri--
If you are truly, deeply happy then you are doing something wrong!
For miseries are the lords way of letting you know , you are on track!
So when you are happy dont start singing the happy song !
But start pondering whats really out of whack!!! :-) :-) :-)
Cheers,
--Badri--
While I traverse these roads long and winding
Sometimes smiling and sometimes crying
I climb some mountains and falls through some ravines
I see some pains and sometimes beautiful sun shines
But occasionally when I stop I start to wonder
Oh have I made a blunder
Have I climbed the same mountain again or fallen through the same valley
How else is it possible that in this long road these ups and down come so regularly
But then again I continue to tread
This long winding road aiming to reach the milestones it bred
Walk and walk do I
sometimes I smile sometimes I sigh
Once in a while I look back on the roads I once covered
I feel ashamed of falls I should have missed and mountains I should of conquered
Alas I am an expert now in climbing bigger mountains
And I do in it style even when I fall through ravines
While I traverse these roads long and winding
Sometimes smiling and sometimes crying
I climb some mountains and falls through some ravines
I see some pains and sometimes beautiful sun shines
Cheers,
--Badri--
Now suddenly I am starting to miss her
Even while I can still wake up in the morning and kiss her
Wary I am perhaps cos the end is nigh
Days three more and the curtain shall fall
Escape from living with her I shall, for once and for all
Loved her i did just a little bit
Hoping now though that I shall revisit
Ironical is it that, I am leaving her, when I am starting to Love
Thank her I must for the friends that she gave me
Thank her I must for the aspects of life she made me see
I have changed a lot cos of her
I am a better man cos I was made one by her
Cheers,
--Badri--
Held by several glues am I
To people and things I am not sure I need or not
Every time I look at them and ask myself why
I realize I am drowning in a quicksand i am caught
But then I think of how much we are separated
A tear drop runs down my cheek
Thus No matter how much we get alienated
Deep down I know its you I really seek
But what good are a few random tears
When you a mountain of magnet, cant attract fully, me a nail
Embrace me and remove all my wants and fears
Why delay and make the world think those who love you are sure to fail
--Badri--
Chicago the Movie:
Watched Chicago the movie yesterday, have been trying to see it for 2-3 yrs now but never got past the first fifteen minutes. Yday though I sat through the whole movie. Very well made I must say and great acting by Rene. But the movie is a peep into the dark side of humanity and the ill effects of Jazz and Drinks.
After I finished watching the movie I wrote this poem, I guess a side effect of the fights I saw in the movie.
The Row :
Will it ease your pain if I show
How much I am hurt because of this row
My fast heart beats and my numb legs
Can stand testimony along with my mind which for peace begs
But what good is it to know that we are both hurt
What do we achieve by finding who to whom was curt
Alas it wasnt meant to be and this is how it ends
May be the roads of life are meant to educate us with these bends
If we manage to maneuver out of this
Perhaps then again we can search for bliss
Now that we know our roads are headed different directions
It is time I guess to do the course corrections
Its easier for me to be the bad one and to take all the blame
Especially if it saves you some of the shame
I am a poet and a poet needs his pain
So I guess from all this fight the pain is my gain
Only because our destinations were different
At this crossing we had to become indifferent
That doesn't mean I cant wish you only the best
For the rest of your journey and all your quest.
Cheers,
--Badri--
This was originally the first part of the poem Separation that I posted last week. I dint like the poem so was unsure about posting it. But several people wrote to me saying the poem was good(or not as bad as i thought) so I am gathering all my courage and posting this original first part
I avoided posting this cos this is my first poem without a rhyme scheme and I dint put much effort into it. The entire poem took less than 3 minutes to write, I was at "coffee beans and tea leaves"(a coffee shop) and wrote down the words as they came to me so here goes ....
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Am still wondering how to say those words
Even though i know I should have said them a million times before
I know now is too little , too late
But babe I owe it to you
I know we arent together
And those words now might mean nothing
They wont fix those bad sores
Nor would they bring you back to my doors
Every time that I had to say these words before
I smiled, hugged you or gently kissed your forehead
And was convinced you knew what I meant
But never did I realize saying it aloud would be important
Like morning dew falling on cacti
You came into my life trying to make me soft
Little did you know that this cacti had thorns
That could tear down and hurt dew drops
I know I dont deserve you
But please tell me how i can thank you
I am sadly just an ordinary man
From expressing my love, to thanking I need to be told how
I wish I could tear open my heart and show you its made for you
But alas I cant and in words or actions
I know not how to show you what you mean
So sadly must I let go
I have become a better man cos of you
From making my bed, dressing smart to even combing my hair
You have taught me how I could be better than what I was
But I alas thought a few gifts will make up for my lack of words to thank
Damn why cant I word how I feel
You know I love you so those arent the words I want you to hear
There is something more important alas I fear
"Babe I am sorry for all those times that I was me"
Alas "me" am a cacti with several thorns
Its with you that I have a soft side
Its as "we" that I feel fresh, green and alive
Come back my dear, I promise I wont be me, I will be the 'we'
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P.S: I know it sucks but I if I don't post it I will lose it like the several other poems I have lost. So kindly bear with me.
--Badri--
Couldnt really translate all my emotions into words, nevertheless a poem it is... so here goes a half baked poem
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We both know that "we" are meant to be
But still i stay aloof and you ignore me
This Separation my dear is now starting to kill me
Like termites working on a book, slowly its destroying me
I dont know what love is
But I know you I so miss
Minutes without you seem like hours on a bed of nail
uncomfortable, torturous and by the second making me frail
I know you fell for me the very moment I first called out
But still only indirectly do you connect as if always in doubt
We both go about doing that stuff they call -living
We meet other, laugh, talk, play but oh god this is so sickening
Alas I am, without you near me just a zombie
Laugh, talk, play are all only pretense if one is just a zombie
There is hope in me that someday "we" will be
Hence I am not able to end this joke thats me
But dear if we are not going to happen
Please be merciful and end this joke thats me
Tell me that you hate me and walk away slowly
By the time my eyes lose sight of you I will be history
Cheers,
--Badri--
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, and yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream, and not make dreams your master;
If you can think, and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings, nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, and, which is more, you'll be a Man my son.
Have fallen in love with her
Years after I first met her
Dearer to me she has now become
Even though to the end of our chapter we have come
Rarely have I missed someone
And a permanent place in my heart very few have won
But she has now etched herself
Alas she has given me so much more than just herself
Dear I am sorry I have to go
Change alone is constant like you already know
Thanks for the friends that you gave me
Thanks for the aspects of life you made me see
I have changed a lot cos of you
I am a better man cos u made into
It sure feels like the end of an era
But dont worry "Merey dil mey sada rahega ek place thera"
one lingering sentence in my mind and i wanted to make a poetry out of it. at 1.30am i continued with my want and here is the outcome, dint like it much but seemed good enough to post, especially cos i haven't posted in abt a months time now.
Like a surprisingly wonderful serein
Out of no where, the "US" began
oh how wonderful the first date
when fortune more than compensated for bringing a gal in my life late
your silhouette in the yellow restaurant lights
embellished with the glowing ear rings, over shadowing many a wonderful sights
I heard not a thing u said
although my eyes were glued to your lips so red
I do not know of love at first sight
looks and lust perhaps. i believe got morphed as love at first sight
but here i was free from looks, lust or love
chanting to the almighty, frequently wow
in this weird state for which i have no name
awake but dreaming, i dared to see you as "my dame"
a few dates later i heard you call out my name
and say your life has been different after into it i came
you hinted at we becoming us and blushed
"you are beautiful will you marry me" finally i gushed
Out of no where, the "US" began
Out of no where, the "US" began
I argue that its all false
and something bigger and better in life calls
but who am I trying to fool
after all I am in a management school
I am as much here for fame and the loot
as anyone with no spirtual root
so all these talks of morality and sainthood
are i guess cow skin to cover the fox under the hood
Hence when so many say I am wrong
and for a friend a confidant here i long
Its obvious I am making a few big mistakes
Since I am not a saint the others aren't flakes
But still the blame I try and cast on them
Even after analyzing where from their opinion stems
Oh god how self involved am I
For the mistakes I do i have no eye
My silence, and ignorance makes them smile
pretence and a pat and they like my style
I speak out their mistakes and what I opine
In their ego wounds I drop a few drops of brine
So the solution is simple - be diplomatic
it doesnt matter if some think its hypocratic
For thats what they seem to like
To your abysmal popularity it will give a spike
Alas if you are in rome be a roman
Else everything you do in here u will see a bad omen
Admit that since others see wrong it exists
stay assured that greatness and goodness in others eternally persists
for there exist only two solutions to the situation
and neither one is going to cos joy and elation
but if you choose to be you, more pain is for sure
but if you admit mistake and see greatness in others at least some fake friendship you will lure
--Badri--
If the conclusion of the game is that I am gonna die
Then what pay off have i today to even try
Why for the sake of the lost should i cry
Why for glory and fame, aim at the sky
Isnt the end a foregone conclusion
Isnt then life all about inclusion
Through whatever happens remain calm
And perhaps read the gita, kuran or psalm.
They say to lead a good life you learn
And of course life is better the more you earn
Get to a place from where you can get all for which you yearn
All so that finally you can be ash in a golden urn
No I am not saying give up be a pessimist
But then the end is sealed i insist
To where do we go, and why do we think we exist
"My mind" keeps asking me that question and it "I" cant resist
Hah then is there a mind and a I
Or are these just two thoughts one truth and one the lie
Does the mind perform my actions or is it I
why bother if at the end I am gonna die
Is it normal that I am shaken cold?
When I am passed this important baton to hold
Some are born great, Some achieve greatness
But seems the ISBian tag upon me has thrust greatness
Or is glory, were I will get if I don’t make ISB sorry.
While my own goals, clearly, I am yet to see
But only if I fight with tremendous success I can flirt,
Now having heard that I am scared to enter, leaving my comfort zone
But then I am promised, me as a person this place will hone
Its corny, sad and there are some drops of tears in my eyes
A million thoughts escape my mind but yet none spoken
As hard as i might try my closed lips just wont open
You are leaving me cos you feel I have changed
You cry that i am different and now with me you feel estranged.
I know not what will hold you back
For i know not why with me you set shack
I was dry, unfriendly , ugly and a jerk
But you soft, sweet and a beauty that made millions berserk
Yet you came to me and blushed that I am your match
Even as i said i am rock, you beautiful gold and I am afraid i will scratch
"The pungence is on the surface at heart you are honey,"
you said, "marry me for being together is our destiny.
I shall change you and make you all honey oh honey
in spite of the rudeness you are at times jovial and funny
I am sure those good things i can make stay for ever
am convinced once with me , all your bad from you will sever"
At your sight I was oh gal badly smitten
with the promise of a great new life i was into submission beaten
I took your hand for i felt the need
to become a better man , to make a tree of our just sown love seed
And now you leave me citing my change as the reason
Oh dear is this not with love playing treason
Honey you found in me and as a bee hovered around even whilst i was a bud
But now when with love when i blossom , you put me in the ground and crush me in the mud.
--Badri--
Valentine's day, Sad romantic songs and Bryan Adams crooning 'Please forgive me' kinda forced me into writing this poem(ok attempt at poetry)
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Embers of a lost fire
Lead me into this sickly ire
What was I thinking when I let you go
Girl why did i have to say we should take it slow
Three words is all you wanted to hear
But my heart palpitated and stomach churned with fear
Not just cos I was scared of commitment
But also cos I thought love was an imaginary figment
Now that you are gone and I am on my own
I feel emptiness right up to my bone
Smiles are short and frowns longer
I have forgotten sleep, thirst and hunger
Ya I felt that its cliche' too
And these are just breakup blues
But aren't these supposed to fade in days few
And if I was so confident why for so long do i rue
I am not sure if I am in love or my hormones are in treason
But honey I know now we broke up for a reason
For I have learnt that without you I am a body without life
Oh darling if feeling thus is love,then please please be my wife
In the eyes of every woman i see I see you
And tears flow out telling me my love for you is true
I imagine phone rings and SMS arrival tones
When i realize their absence, I feel as if pelted with stones
I know now that I am not me without you
I need you now today and I know this much is true
To hell with commitment, I pledge you myself use me as you please
Come to me and stay with me for ever oh darling please.
Without you I am so incomplete
Only you can make me feel replete
One last thing i got to say even if its doesn't rhyme
I am convinced that Darling je t'aime....
--Badri--
I searched for God couldnt find proof for existence of one
Longed for a guru but found none
Read many books and confused myself and my brethren
Became skeptic and argued about everything from tantra to zen
Nothing seemed to be right and no one in flesh seemed realized
In my hunt for enlightenment i got demoralized
Why do i want liberation, How can i be a bhaktha if god is a myth
The questions are huge and so is my frustrations width
Greed came in under the guise of survival essential,
Then anger, lust and every sin you can name seemed inconsequential
Bah Karma is a bluff and we are but specks in a large universe
I did tell myself and reread richard dawkins every atheist verse
But oh mother i feel ashamed of myself when i see your picture on the wall
Although every claim of your presence a bluff i would call
What am I going through and where am I headed
What do i do to get my ego shreded
Bhagawan Ramana said so do vichara and I tried
But the mind resists and every few seconds i cried
Am i filled with so much filth that purification is impossible
Or am i such a genious that abating my thought storm is not feasible.
Nah this mind should be silenced and the thoughts stopped
All that destroys calmness and equanimity must be dropped
I might not believe in god nor in realization
But there is a better way to go through life and thats through de-ramification
What do i do to maintain the calm
When for bread and existence I ship in the storm
I dont want to give up and say realization is through prarabdha or destiny
If i cant calm my mind now, my having sown seeds in a previous birth to calm it seems funny.
Guide me oh masters and my mother, if you do exist
I dont want intellect or siddhis through which i can persist
Just one boon i need and all the evils of this world i will resist
Tell me how my when thoughts arise upon them silence i can insist.
--Badri--
Suddenly started writing a poem and this happened
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Welcome to my life its almost like yours
Events may change but the pattern remains
Infant, Child, Adult I grow like you with the years
And although the degree varies, like you i pass through pleasure and pains
Once I was very happy with whatever I was given
I Satiated with excitement when something new crossed me
Dint know what heaven was, but life felt like heaven
But yet there were moments when I thought "adult" was the state to be
Then struck education and so did competition
I was told how to eat and drink, worse also how to think
And in the process of learning reading, writing and recitation
With jealousy, comparison and materialism my heart began to shrink
Dunno why but suddenly there was this urge to stand out
Push myself into the limelight and get noticed
But materialism and attention seeking my attitudes were the world would shout
Making me think if money and fame were things, only i fancied
I turned around and saw people wanted something but asked for another
The hypocrism of theirs, civilization they called
While the objective was for them to gold gather
As civilized their greed they named duty to the father
Sometimes i wonder if i remain civilized
And do what they all do , go where they go
What at lifes end would have i realized
Wouldnt life that i lived , vain go
There must be something more to life than making more of my kind
Than saving for future, name , fame and career
My life is like yours its just a grind
And here i am wondering in which direction to steer.
cheers,
--Badri--
This dint come out well but wrote it in all of 5 min
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How hypocritical is this life
Under the clout of being civilized and diplomatic
When talking about ones ugly wife
“You make a fine pair” we remark being sarcastic
Instead of telling his hair his turning gray
We say he shows sign of wisdom and continue the glue
What kind of mockery of the self is this play?
Where to maintain a false dignity we continue to shrink
You child looks just like you we say
When the child is “ok looking” we think
Shouldn’t speaking once mind be the way
Or should we continue to shrink as often as we blink
Am not suggesting to hurt someone being blunt
But help them with your opinion being frank
Don’t make in some ones heart a dent
But nevertheless voice your opinion be frank
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--Badri--
