Separation 2

This was originally the first part of the poem Separation that I posted last week. I dint like the poem so was unsure about posting it. But several people wrote to me saying the poem was good(or not as bad as i thought) so I am gathering all my courage and posting this original first part

I avoided posting this cos this is my first poem without a rhyme scheme and I dint put much effort into it. The entire poem took less than 3 minutes to write, I was at "coffee beans and tea leaves"(a coffee shop) and wrote down the words as they came to me so here goes ....

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Am still wondering how to say those words
Even though i know I should have said them a million times before
I know now is too little , too late
But babe I owe it to you

I know we arent together
And those words now might mean nothing
They wont fix those bad sores
Nor would they bring you back to my doors

Every time that I had to say these words before
I smiled, hugged you or gently kissed your forehead
And was convinced you knew what I meant
But never did I realize saying it aloud would be important

Like morning dew falling on cacti
You came into my life trying to make me soft
Little did you know that this cacti had thorns
That could tear down and hurt dew drops

I know I dont deserve you
But please tell me how i can thank you
I am sadly just an ordinary man
From expressing my love, to thanking I need to be told how

I wish I could tear open my heart and show you its made for you
But alas I cant and in words or actions
I know not how to show you what you mean
So sadly must I let go

I have become a better man cos of you
From making my bed, dressing smart to even combing my hair
You have taught me how I could be better than what I was
But I alas thought a few gifts will make up for my lack of words to thank

Damn why cant I word how I feel
You know I love you so those arent the words I want you to hear
There is something more important alas I fear
"Babe I am sorry for all those times that I was me"

Alas "me" am a cacti with several thorns
Its with you that I have a soft side
Its as "we" that I feel fresh, green and alive
Come back my dear, I promise I wont be me, I will be the 'we'

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P.S: I know it sucks but I if I don't post it I will lose it like the several other poems I have lost. So kindly bear with me.

--Badri--