I feel like a failure

In another 13-14 days I will turn 1 year less younger, although the norm is to turn 1 year older I prefer it this way. Ok back to where I was I will be turning i year less younger and that would mean another feather in an already crowded hat.

Well it aint an accomplishment, it just happens you dont even have to work for it and its so common that all men and ofcourse women have it but for some reason somebody thought of ages ago that birthdays must be celebrated.And here we are celebrating birthday's and throwing out parties/treats even though we are left wondering, Why on all important rejoiceable occasions in our life we have to grow less richer.

Anyways that aint my point here, treats and the sorrow they bring(to the sponsorer) are aint really my worries right now, what is, is that I haven't achieved something that a good number of my friends have by this time.

During my school days when the friends I am talking about where working hard to the lay the foundations for the success they were to have later, impressing the class teacher,playing football and day dreaming where my chief occupations.As much as they would tell me the importance of making such an achievement in life it always seemed unimportant to me and at times when it seemed important I would procrastinate saying "boy chill there is time".Had I worked hard or may be for the kind of person I was at school, bright and smart(hey stop laughing I am sharing my worries with you not joking) I could have easily laid the foundation to go ahead and make the same achievement but I dint I was too casual.

School got over and a good number of my friends left for different colleges with their chins up and with the smile of accomplishment beaming on their face, they had worked hard and laid the foundation, they did realize later that what was more difficult was keeping the foundation strong and not laying it but well they handled that part well,kudos to them for their perserverance and patience and may be tolerance considering all the struggle they had to endure.

But I was lazy all along and never wanted to invest my time and skills in anything other than video gaming and football.At college I never got the chance, there were opportunities but there was too much competition, yet again I was too lazy to put up a fight against the competition.Come to college, go home, write exam clear all papers without cup(arrears) was all I wanted to do I really dint care abt making that achievement that was so precious to many around me.Mostly the best opportunities were always taken by the not so lazy, keen to succeed, willing to work hard kind and hence obviously dint even qualify.I still dint want to invest time, I never realized the value of making such an achievement and by the time I reached my final year at college "get a job,go to work, make money, live happily" had become my mission in life aptly designed for a couch potato like me who dint want to flex a muscle.

Suddenly now when I look at the thousands who curse themselves, sometimes within themselves(although it shows on their face) and sometimes vociferously I really feel I have made a mistake, I missed a real lot of opportunities.Take for example my company whenever the successful people who have made that kinda achievement proudly and sometimes shyly(because of all the recognition) confess the same, I can see the ones that haven't achieved watch them agape and immediately go into their dreamlands or memory lanes retrospecting on what they must have done but haven't, suddenly they desperately wish they had done it too but sometimes its too late, some resign too their fate "elaiketha ellu urundai" they say but some still feel for it.

Now I suddenly feel that there is something more than getting a good job and living happily , I must have used the opportunities I got well but I dint, I really must have worked hard.Really now when I retrospect I feel like a failure and a miserable one.I am royally struck by the "I feel like a failure" syndrome.

But may be there is time to correct all this.I really hope there is still time left for me and I really pray to god that I get atleast one another opportunity. I hear that Einstein made his first achievement only after he turned 26 so I guess that still leaves me 3 more years and hopefully I will succeed, hopefully I will get the opportunity if I keep looking and god willing will make full use of it to get that coveted achievement that they call a "GirlFriend".

cheers,
Badrinath.V.S :-)

P.S :- If you are an achiever I can use tips from you, pls mail me at badrinath at gmail dot com.

P.P.S :- If you are planning to gift me on my BDay an opportunity i mean a date would be great, but if you cannot arrange for the same a pair of nike shoes or an ipod or a discman are fine gifts too.And hey if you are my boss I can really use an hike. ;-)